Honesty

I am frightened that what I've dreamed of for so long
will come true
but I won't be satisfied.

What then?

But what if it is exactly what I've dreamed of?

then it is all worth it.

Sometimes I believe
I was born to help people.

But only after I was born to know God.

Thank God for His loving me--
Jesus thank you for my life.
You gave it all to me, though I am undeserving,
and to you I dedicate my life
to giving back.

I'm restless here in this place
and I feel lazy for the cause of Christ
but I know everything is for a purpose
and have faith You are preparing me.
But that every day is a mission,
not just some obscure date in the future.

Teach me to be steadfast and patient,
teach me the richness of your word
and let it grow in me
less of me, less of me!

I pray in earnest that you would deliver your daughters and sons
your children, that they would seek your face
and be known by you. Save their souls! Please!
Help the girls trafficked into prostitution, show them Your everlasting, pure love
unperverted by the world.

Thank you for Your patience with me.
Forgive me of my sinfullness.
woe is me--
what an ungrateful woman I have become.

Teach me to obey all of your commandments--
You alone know my struggles
You alone.
I am so so sorry.

-E